Wildfire Riders

In case you've already torn through The Lost Symbol and just can't wait for the next Dan Brown blockbuster, here's your fix: The Dan Brown Plot Generator.

My very first result (with city and organization left TO RANDOM CHANCE omg /tinfoil hat) seemed oddly fitting, so I thought I'd share:

A mysterious code in the monuments of Boston.
A murderous cult determined to protect it.
A desperate race to uncover the Scientologists' darkest secret.

The First Sign

When world-famous Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to Fenway Park to analyze a mysterious ancient script—etched into the floor next to the disfigured form of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Truministas, a secret branch of the Scientologists that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Truministas appears at the Freedom Trail to deliver a macabre ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in the Scientologists' off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. As the city braces for disaster, Langdon joins forces with the beautiful and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 800-year-old trail through Boston's most historic churches and venerable libraries, pursued by a mustachioed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to L. Ron Hubbard and the very founding of the Scientologists.

The Serpentine
When celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Art Institute to analyze a mysterious rune—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the mangled body of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Trumifori, a secret branch of the Boy Scouts of America that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Trumifori appears at the Sears Tower to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in the Boy Scouts of America's off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. As the city braces for disaster, Langdon joins forces with the statuesque and enigmatic daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 800-year-old trail through Chicago's most sacred buildings and venerable statues, pursued by a one-handed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Davy Crockett and the very founding of the Boy Scouts of America.

The Hallowed Mark

When celebrated Gnomish symbologist Bobspark Langdonstix is summoned to the Tomb of Uther to analyze a mysterious rune—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disemboweled corpse of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Oculatti, a secret branch of the Dispossessed that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the living.

Langdonstix's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Oculatti appears at the Southshore Town Hall to deliver a grim ultimatum: Turn over all your remaining blankets, or one Silver Covenant Aspirant will disappear from the Argent Tournament Grounds every day. With the countdown under way, Langdonstix joins forces with the dewy and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdonstix and his companion follow a 1100-year-old trail through the Plaguelands' most historic monuments and sacred statues, pursued by a Zombie Troll assassin thought dead the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Uthas Wordweaver and the very founding of the Dispossessed.

Fingold wrote:The Hallowed Mark

When celebrated Gnomish symbologist Bobspark Langdonstix is summoned to the Tomb of Uther to analyze a mysterious rune—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disemboweled corpse of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Oculatti, a secret branch of the Dispossessed that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the living.

Langdonstix's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Oculatti appears at the Southshore Town Hall to deliver a grim ultimatum: Turn over all your remaining blankets, or one Silver Covenant Aspirant will disappear from the Argent Tournament Grounds every day. With the countdown under way, Langdonstix joins forces with the dewy and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdonstix and his companion follow a 1100-year-old trail through the Plaguelands' most historic monuments and sacred statues, pursued by a Zombie Troll assassin thought dead the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Uthas Wordweaver and the very founding of the Dispossessed.

I'd so read this.

I'm going to wait for the movie.