PARTNER SWAP WHAT IFS - "Bittertongue Mountain"

[Bricu]

Way to be an emotional abuser Shael. JEEZ

[Yva]

Way to be an emotional abuser Shael. JEEZ

Stop posting when you're at work Marty.

[Fingold]

Oh sweet baby jesus, what the hell is wrong with you people?

I need a couple 40s of Steel Reserve.

[Aleros]

Brought to you by FAles productions, bring you the best in Fells x Ale ficcery.

Part 1

The alleyways and corners of Stormwind may have been piled with filth, but there was one thing you could never find dirtying the cobbles: money. The street urchins made sure of that. Fells hadn't found even a copper in days, and even the nobles' trash piles had seen more plentiful days. Not even so much as a slightly too soft apple. She walked the streets slowly, trying to conserve her energy. It was that time of day when shops were closing and people were either heading home or to the bars. Her gaze kept darting about for prospective easy targets.

Dammit, none keep their coin out 'fer easy pickin'.

She spotted him among everyone moving about. Tall, seven and a half feet. Was he a knight, a noble? His coin purse was wide out in the open. She'd be in deep if it was a knight. His clothes were too funny, too colorful, too... leafy? He must be a noble. That purse looked fat too, might even have gold in it. Psh, he's turnin' down that way? The tall figure took a side street off towards some apartments. Too ruttin' simple. She moved quickly after him, keeping her footsteps quiet, trying to look inconspicuously like she was going the same direction as he was to everyone around. He wouldn't notice, he never looked behind him.

His stride was long, so she had to hasten her pace, but she was certain she kept quiet. Her stomach wanted to grumble suddenly, but she clenched it with one hand. Not now... Within arm's length of the pouch she reached out, she wrapped her hand around it and...

It all happened in an instant. She felt the fabric of the purse give around her fingers; there were lots of coins. Before she could rip it from its cord, there was the sharp whistle of a staff and a loud crack as it hit her wrist. Pain shot up her arm, and as the tall man turned she saw his brightly glowing eyes, the long ears beneath the hood, and the narrow face glaring at her. Before the pain could even register there was another whistle and a crack as the staff hit the back of her neck.

She wasn't sure how long it had been, possibly only seconds. Her eyes opened and she looked up from rolling on her side. The tall man... thing, whatever it was...was staring down at her. She gasped and tried to jump to her feet, but she found the very same staff pressed right against her rib cage. He knelt down and a strong hand wrapped around her wrist, the same wrist that was hit moments ago. It was then she realized the pain it was in when he lifted her.

“AUUGH! Hey, let go'a me!” she yelped at the pain. Her arm twisted as he pulled her up. Her kicks and struggles only served to hurt even more. “Git yer damn hands off!"
She couldn't see the expressions of the man. His countenance was hidden in the depths of his hood, aside from the two glowing eyes that peered narrowly down at her. Even the graceful lines of freakishly long ears disappeared with the dull red sky behind him. “You. Thief.” He obviously couldn't speak common very well. What she couldn't see is the look of pity on the man's face.

She stopped struggling. His grip was too strong. Fells attempted a winning smile. "Eh heh, this's some manner'a misunderstandin', fella.” She wasn't able to look at those glowing eyes any longer. Both her smile and her gaze faltered. "How'sabout y'jest lemme go, an' I won' never bother ya 'gain. Whadda ya say?" He pulled on her, bringing her very close to him. Her other hand pressed on his abdomen in vain attempt to gain some breathing room. “Whoa, hey now! The Nether d'ya think yer do--”

Her heart hit her throat as she suddenly felt the ground fall away and her entire body tip back. His other arm was behind her knees, the world tilted, and then she was several feet off the ground, and all she could see was the glowing eyes, the rooftops, and the red sky above. He carried her up some stairs, and she heard a door open. Fells moved not a muscle as she frantically tried to concoct a method of escape. Tha's it. M'gonna be et. Like a trollish supper. Her efforts were not going terribly well. The sky and rooftops disappeared and gave way to a lightless room as the door shut behind them. All she could see now were the glowing eyes.


Part 2

Aleros put the small thief down. She was still staring up at him, shocked past speech and mind a blur with escape plans. He moved to the door and put the metal key in the hole, turning it with a click. She flinched at the sound and looked around the room like a scared, blind mouse.

“Light?”

The scrawny thing on the floor nodded. "Ayeh, umn. If'n y'please. Less'n y'gots t'see t'draw oddish symbols in blood fer sacr'ficin' or sommat. Then y'can keep 'em out. Matter'a fact, I kinda like the dark."

If only I was further along in my studies in common... Aleros was perfectly at home in the dark. While he would have preferred to operate at night, humans only seemed to during the day. He found the lighter and candles, both of which had gathered a small layer of dust. He lit each of them, placing them around shelves in the small apartment. As light filled the room the thief seemed to be less scared.

He spoke in Darnassian, “There, now you can see.” She could only look at him funny.

He gave a quiet sigh knowing that she couldn't understand him. “Bath.” He said in common. He opened the other door that was in the single room apartment, and light flickered into the other room.

"The Nether?" None of the exotic trappings she expected of a sacrificial altar were there when she cautiously poked her head in. A single pump faucet, and a deep basin tub were the most suspicious things to grace the room. "Oh. Bath."

The basin looked too small for him to fit in. How was he going to bathe, standing up? She shrugged to herself. At least she wasn't going to be sacrificed. The gentle sound of water filled the room, and she looked about as he filled the deep tub. There were several animal furs hanging on the wall, and some leather clothing folded neatly into a corner. One of those hanging things was much like the one he wore, woven seamlessly of furs, leaves, leathers, and other animal parts including teeth. The leaves on it didn't make it look dirty; somehow, it all worked in harmony.

That was when dinner caught her eye. Against the chair outside, she could spy small pouches filled with various leaves and roots. Even a salad sounded delicious at this point. Fells hugged the door, tiptoeing silently. He wouldn't miss a few leaves missing from those pouches. She slipped leaf after leaf into her mouth, chewing as quietly as she could. Some tasted better than others, but she didn't really care as hungry as she was.

The sound of water filling the basin in the other room stopped. She turned around a bit too late to see the tall blue skinned man staring at her in disbelief, half a leaf of gromsblood hanging out of her mouth. She sucked it in quickly, chewed it and swallowed, trying to give the best innocent smile that she could. His hand covered his face and it sounded like he gave a groan. She couldn't tell.

He strode forward and took her hand, leading her into the bathroom. He pointed at the basin now filled with water. “Bath.” Come to think of it, he didn't smell like anyone she'd smelled before. Not freshly bathed, now flowery or perfumey or even soapy. He smelled like a moss covered stone in the middle of a river, was the best way to describe it. The bath was for her. “H-hey, I don' stink!”

He pinched his nose with his fingers and pointed emphatically at the tub again.

Fells eyed him, and tried to be inconspicuous when she sniffed at her clothing. Instantly, she grimaced. The fact was she really didn't know how she smelled, she'd gotten so used to the smell of the street. “... Fine! No peekin', or I'll take one'a them long ears. Unnerstand?” He turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Fells sighed to herself, mouthing soundlessly, The Nether do I get m'self inta these things... Her tattered and hole-ridden clothes were discarded into a pile on the floor. She lifted a foot into the basin. The water was cold and would take a minute to get used to. She was barely in when the door creaked open behind her and he stepped in, picking up her clothes. There was a splash as she quickly submerged herself to her chin. "HEY!" she blurbled from where she crouched beneath the water. "I done said no peekin'!"

The man just eyed her as he picked up her clothes and put a robe on the back of the door. “An' those're mine. HEY! Git back here!” The door closed. Her clothes were gone. She submerged herself more, blowing some bubbles in the water and looked at the very large robe he left which was obviously his. Not much she could do. He'd been good to her so far, but there could be no lowering her guard.

She reached for the sponge and soap bar. The sponge was scratchy, but the soap at least smelled good. She leaned back in the basin, relaxing. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. It was actually starting to feel warm.


Part 3

He sighed as he checked his herb stores. She hadn't eaten many of the important ones, but he had no clue how humans would react to some of the herbs. Was it the same as Kal'Dorei, or different? She was obviously hungry, even he'd heard her stomach growl at one point. He pulled some dry rubbed meats out for when she was done. The tattered old clothes lay beside him. He pulled out his patch kit and began sewing up the holes. He contemplated buying her some new clothes later, or even just washing these. He continued the work. She wouldn't be sticking around after tonight after all.

The candles flickered and shadows were distracting. He worked quickly, patching up the various holes. When he finished he set them aside and pulled one of the larger furs off the wall, laying it out on the floor, along with another one of about equal size. Good enough for a makeshift bed.

The door to the bathroom creaked open and the girl poked her head out. He motioned at the furs on the floor, on top of which were her clothes and the dried meats. She came out of the bathroom, overlarge robe hanging off of her. It had to be held cinched in the front since it was too loose. She saw the pile of stuff he motioned at, gave him a look then walked over to it. “Fer me?” He hadn't quite understood, he'd only had a couple of classes and knew very basic vocabulary, but he nodded.

There was time for caution, and time to be damned grateful for what chance had sent her way. She fell on her knees, stuffing the dried meat piece by piece into her mouth. It was tough, and spiced. It was delicious. Aleros sat on the edge of his own bed, watching her eat.

She noticed his gaze, and spoke between shoving the meat in her mouth. “Yer pretty nice fer a... 'ever ya are.” He could only look at her, not sure of what she was saying. Fells did not bother to stop eating as she spoke. Who knew when he would put her out again, really. "I reckon yer one'a them 'locks' demons, done got loose. Mayhap ya kilt yer 'lock holder fella." No, that didn't seem right at all. "But then why'd y'be helpin' me out." It was a quandary that almost caused her to stop eating so ravenously. At least she paused enough to turn and drop to the furs.

"Oh these're soft." She ran a hand over them, nearly forgetting her company. "An' this robe's...s'been a tick since I done had a bed, y'see. Other'n a hay loft, when I could sneak..." She glanced up to him, and found him watching. Her cheeks colored against her will. "Y'don' know a thing m'sayin', do ya." Aleros gave not the faintest indication that he listened. He simply observed her. The fist holding the robe closed shifted to tighten it in its place, but she could not muster the disapproving glare that normally warded away the too curious. "Y'can stoppat," she mustered half-heartedly. "Stop. Stop lookin' at me." It was because his eyes were strange. That was why she was uncomfortable. It was because the robe he'd given her was a trick. It was too warm. Fells puffed her cheeks up and blew out a breath. "...think m'gittin' a fever." Yes. That explained everything.

Fells rolled onto her side and closed her eyes, pulling the thick fur in half until it hid all but the top of her head. M'jest sickly, she convinced herself as she forced her eyes closed. She wasn't dizzy, and wasn't pained or aching. Sick didn't feel like this. Did he do this t'me? It could have been in the water, dusted on the meats, anything. Fells scowled. Make him pay fer it. ...t'morrow.

She had to be asleep. Aleros went about putting his things away, footsteps padding quietly against the floorboards. If she was one of the street urchins that seemed to plague the city then he had no clue how long it had been since she'd been able to sleep with a roof over her head. So different from home, where children were a rarity, and cherished as such. It was just another cultural difference he had to get used to, much like the lamps and candles he blew out one by one. Aleros eased himself onto his bed, and paused there, waiting to see if the frame's creaking stirred her. There was no indication that she woke, and the rise and fall of her furs seemed regular enough. He settled in, and the room's last light winked out when his eyes closed.


Part 4

Aleros couldn't have said what woke him; he never heard her furs rustle, and she was too slight of a thing to make barely any indentation on the bed next to him. Perhaps there had been a draft when she pulled the comforter away, or her touch had startled him when she slipped her arm around his torso. Regardless of the catalyst, he woke to find her pressed against his side. Her eyes were clenched shut, and the whole of her frame was taut. She wasn't cold, but she trembled.

A moment passed in silence. He was awake, and she was awake, and they both knew it. Aleros shifted and put his arm around her. Her eyes opened and shot up to his guiltily. Her trembling abated when he smiled. "Jest...thoughtcha'd be warm. Warmer." He merely patted her shoulder and let his head fall back to the pillow. She curled against his side. Her breathing was deep and even when he finally fell asleep. It was almost a shame that he had to put her out the morning after.




Part 5

Dreams didn't persist when he opened his eyes, normally. But when he did, his gaze illuminated the little thief that hovered over him, her mouth curled into a mischievous grin. "Y'done this t'me," she mumbled blearily. That was when Aleros noticed the hand down his kilt. Apparently he hadn't been dreaming that either. "Y'done this t'me, an' yer gonna fix it."

Maybe she wouldn't be gone tomorrow after all.

[Yva]

Creeeeeepy.

[Fells]

Dude it's only slash if it's same-sex. I am not altering her past to that degree, I am sorry.

Edit: Ficcery = acceptable.

[Yva]

Oh, it's quite awesome. What's awesomer is Aleros having the word "INNIT" in his vocabulary.

[Chelody]

(So uh... here is Lan's and my submission. They are broken into scenes, and you can tell by the happy little lines.)

It was a filthy place. The single lamp swung gingerly from the roof of the dilapidated shack. At a non-descript little table, in a non-descript little chair, a small blue haired elf woman sat staring up at the light as if oblivious to the world around her. Her hands were bound to the chair and yet she smiled, as if nothing in the world were wrong. Across from this elf, a goblin sat with a folder. He was a nasty looking creature. One pointed ear was gnarled and most likely diseased, the other full of piercings. His armor was spiked and the sword resting at his hip looked very cruel and barbed.
“Look, lady. We ain’t bad folk here. We’re respectable business men. We got nothin’ against the environment, we’re just clearin’ away the dead wood so as the cuddly little forest animals gots more room to run around in. If ya can tell us who ya are, what yer tryin ta do here, and such, we can cut yous loose and ya can up and run back to yer tree. “ The goblin looked frayed and tired.

“Well?” His clawed fingers drummed on the table as he waited.

“Hello?” His right eye twitched slightly, again he got no response from the smiling and preoccupied elf.

“HEY LADY?!” The goblin reached his wit's end and sat up, pounding his fist against the table. This finally caused the woman to acknowledge him, silver eyes turning to regard the man with surprisingly little concern.

“Ah- can I help you?” Oh, she was –good-; the clueless victim act was clearly something she had practiced. Her captor glanced to the corner of the room where a mean looking ogre sat, snickering to himself as his boss got the shake down by a slip of an elf. This simply seemed to steel his resolve and the goblin cleared his throat. “We’ve got accounts of two, mebbe even –three- devilsaurs, a whole –stampede- of kodos, the ENTIRE FUCKING BLACK TOOTH GRIN CLAN. Which, by the way, we’d been sure faded out YEARS AGO. And then there is THUNDERAAN HIMSELF wrecking havoc on the Venture Company operations in the Stonetalon Mountains. All of this has pointed back to you! Who the nether are you, lady, and what do you want?” The little green man stood on his chair, staring evenly at the elf as she opened her mouth. Finally, some answers.

“I am sorry, can you repeat that? I was watching the dust faeries…” She nodded up to the dust motes floating around the lone lamp. The little green man hissed, running a clawed hand down his face. He was –done- playing nice.
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“Right, choo guys know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. We go rough up some tree huggers. Break up protests, then we be up to our hips in the ladies, eh?” The large Draenei man gestured lewdly, hips thrusting against an imaginary woman. His humor was lost on the seven or so brutish gnolls gathered around him. Feh, where did the company –find- these people?

“Eh, sure we can getchoo sum bones or someting’” He dropped onto the chair behind him, powerful blue forearms folding over his chest as he pushed his wide brimmed hat down, a chorus of yips and growls following. Distantly he could hear the tavern doors swing up and thought nothing of it until…

“Yipe!” The pained squeal of a gnoll burst him from his reverie, he gasped and lifted up his hat, staring down at what must have been a –harpoon- sticking from one of his hired thugs. The other gnolls barked and growled the door, drawing the merc’s attention to a figure framed by light. He was of medium height and a proper soldier's build, dark hair reaching his shoulders. The armor he wore was thick leather hide, spiked and furred, no visible sign of affiliation. The draenei man sneered as his gnollish companions fled, scattering out of the tavern like rats abandoning a sinking ship.
The stranger didn’t bother with the escaping dogs, instead he strolled comfortably to the still sitting man. “Choo cleanin’ dat up man.” He commented casually, nodding to the furry corpse. As casual as you please, the dark haired man began removing his gloves, casually slapping them down on the table before speaking.

“I don’t give a pike about the trees, or the cute and fuzzy animals running around the forest ground. Don’t mistake me. Make sure your bosses know I got not beef with their operations save for one detail.” The draenei had meant to move, dodge or duck out of the way, but it was too late. A sword whipped out from the half elf's sheath, fast. It caught the alien square in the jaw, knocking him back, sending the mercenary and the chair to the ground where his throat was swiftly pressed upon by a thick boot.

“They took my barmy girl. Now start spilling, or I will.” The sword in his hand glinted dangerously.
-------------------------------
“WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!” The scene had shifted: no longer bound to a chair, the elf was now suspended over a tank of water, full of writhing, scaly bodies. One of the little creatures propelled itself from the water, fishy body glistening as it snapped a hair's breath from the woman’s nose. She simply smiled to the frenzy, ears wiggling.

“Ooh, you do have nice clean teeth. I wonder how fish brush their teeth… they’d need to of course. Or else they’d have to get those nasty wooden dentures.” Was she insane?! The infuriated goblin gave a nod to the ogre holding her rope. The line began to lower, her hair dangling just above the water.

“WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?!”

“I was going out for breakfast before you so rudely interrupted me.” The elf replied, turning her head calmly to the side as another frenzy leapt.

“WHAT COLOR ARE BRUNN’S UNDERWEAR?!” For the first time the entire session, she looked shocked.

“Do ogres wear undies?” The ogre, otherwise known as Brunn, fixed her with a wicked grin. Their attention was so focused on the dangling woman however, that they were caught completely off guard by the door being thrown open.

“Pookey!” The elf smiled widely, wiggling her fingers in a wave as the ruffians holding her whirled to look at the intruder. Blood and questionable stains coated his sword and armor, giving the half elf a feral look, even when he smiled upon seeing the Kaldorei woman mostly unharmed.

“No time for Wigwag love. We have about…” He held up what appeared to be a an explosive device strapped to a clock. “Less then two minutes to waltz with the whistler before we’re in the lady’s shadow.” All three looked entirely confused before the bomb was tossed in the goblin’s direction, leading the small green man to scream… as he was stepped on. The nimble footed warrior leaping up, bounding off his skull to kick one leg out, bashing his boot into the ogre’s arm. Which caused him to lose his grip over the cheering woman’s rope. With a sure foot he propelled himself over, catching her prone form in his arms. They both tumbled to the ground but were up in an instant, her bindings cut with a flick of his sword.

“Who the –fuck- are you people?!” The bewildered goblin screamed as he tossed the bomb into the tank full of angry frenzies. The four figures turned to run, bursting from the shack just as a magnificent explosion rocked the shack, a blast of fire, water, and… snapping fish raining down from the roof onto the ogre and goblin.

“Lansiron and Chelody Aseran.” It was all the goblin and his bodyguard could do to watch them turn and leave before a deluge of water and fish beset them, their screams sounding like distant echoes to the swiftly disappearing elves.
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“Do you think rocks are sad when they are on the beach?” The pair strolled along the sunny Tanaris beach, passing under palm trees and the like as they wound their way along the shore. The dark haired elf laughed, looking incredulously down at his companion.

“Surely, the ocean told them to pike off after all. Bet it stings. Make it even less shiny, they’re sittin’ on a bunch of dead mates.” It was as if the previous evening had never happened. Lansiron wearing nothing but a pair of blue surfing trunks and thongs on his feet. A beach ball rested under the crook of his arm, while a large umbrella rested on his shoulder. Chelody plodded along in a bright pink polka-dotted bikini, oversized hat on her head, wide orange sun glasses over her eyes, and a dab of white sunscreen coating her nose.

“MrrrgggleYAAA!” A voice screamed from behind. The duo blinked and looked at each other, before slowly turning around. The black clad murlocs snarled and gurgled dangerously, nunchucks drawn and ready. Chelody sighed and pushed her sunglasses up.

“Can we get ice cream?” Lansiron grinned to her, dropping the umbrella and drawing a huge jagged sword from Light only knew where.

“Give us a tic snoogles.”

[Itanya_blade]

((I give this one the Pill stamp of approval))

[Yva]

. . . that was really really really cute. Like OMG awesome cute.